I Cried.

Today I cried when I woke up and realized it had been a month.
I cried when I remembered holding you as you slipped away.
I cried when I couldn't get out the door on time without your help.
I cried when I watched the video my phone generated of pictures of you.
I cried when I left school to get Chinese food, remembering how sometimes I would sneak home to check on you.
I cried when I saw The Last Jedi trailer on TV.
I cried while I looked through the mail.
I cried while Sophie was in the bathtub because I was lonely without you.
I cried when I got to the car after Joey came into show me a Deadpool trailer. You always made me watch so many trailers.  I miss that.
I cried when I bought a pair of shoes online because you weren't here to laugh at me and say "Buy some shoes. You don't have enough."
I'm crying now because this day has sucked.
I'm crying now because I can't bear the thought of the next month or so without you.
I'm crying now because it feels like grieving is one of the few ways left that I have to love you.


I hope that isn't true.  I hope that there will be other ways to love you.  Love doesn't die, does it?  Flowers die.  People die.  Surely love doesn't die.

Now I'm crying just thinking about that.