"Aren't we, Mama?"

Mommy and Me Paint Night at The Little Learners Academy

Sophie rode the bus to my school today.  On the way to my classroom we visited the cafeteria to say hi to Suzie's mom.  We ended up leaving with a bowl of chicken nuggets and some apple juice.  I got her set up in my room with a place to eat while I finished putting up a bulletin board.

For a while she just chatted about her day and then out of the blue she said "I think we are doing OKAY without Daddy!"

It felt like someone just sat on my chest.  I wasn't sure what to say for a bit.  Where did that come from? 

"I still miss Daddy very much." I told her.

"I know, but we are doing okay, aren't we mama?"

I know that she is dealing with this in her own way.  I know that she was responding to the new experience of coming to my school and being in my classroom-she loves that.  I know that she misses you and thinks about you.  I know this is probably just her finding the sunshine again.  She does that in all situations and I love that about her so very much.

I don't know why it was so upsetting.  I mean, we are okay.  I'm pushing forward even though most days it feels like I'm pushing through quicksand.  I just...I just couldn't take her honesty I guess.  Some days it feels like the whole fucking world is moving on and just doesn't see that I don't feel like it.  Some days I am SO angry that the world is still turning, people going to work, parties, holidays, mail delivered, phone calls coming, bills rolling in....how can the whole world keep moving on when you are gone?