Today was a pretty terrible day. I've been dreading it. Hating it. Crying just to think about it. I can't even imagine what your mom feels like. It is just too much.
I cried through most of church. Lots of people did. Greg had gone downhill really fast. Everyone was sad. The feelings of that first week without you swirled around me, suffocating me. I couldn't stop thinking about Greg's wife. I could feel it all over again. The pain, the shock, the fear. The visitation for Greg was tonight. I must have talked myself out of going several times, but eventually I just went. Joey went too. When we got to the front his wife whispered "I've been avoiding you."
Yeah. I get it. I'm sure that following our story seemed to be prophetic in some ways. In terrible, awful, dreading ways. And then I got the hell out of there. I just couldn't take it. The familiarity of it all is too much.
We went to the cemetery. Your sweet mama brought you a card and a pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. More tears.
This is not the way it was supposed to be.
Some day I hope that your birthday will find me and the kids and other people that loved you at Imo's eating a Jason's Special and laughing as we remember good times together. That isn't this year. I can't even smell Imo's without crying. Maybe next year.
Happy birthday. My love for you is without end.
