Clothes

Today was filled with crying. 
So much crying.  Everybody crying.

To start off the day I had to take your clothes in to the funeral home.  I was anxious and weepy and waves of intense sadness just seem to wash over me every few minutes.  I picked out one of your favorite Star Wars shirts and a pair of khakis.  It seemed more appropriate than something dressier.  It seemed like you.

After handing the clothes over I asked the funeral director about plugging in a phone or an iPod to the sound system so that I could play a playlist of your favorites.

"Sure, but that will be $400." he replied.
"Uhm....what?"  I stuttered.  I thought he was joking and I just playing along.  That's NOT what was happening.
"Yes.  It's $400 and I'll tell you why.  The last person who tried to wire their phone into the sound system cost me $400 to get it fixed!"
"I'm looking for a hole in the front of the machine to plug a cord into!"

He's such a dick.  I decided right away that I would find another solution.  There would be NO organ music and none of that flutey hymn stuff either.  Nope.

By the time I got back into the car I was in tears.  What the hell was wrong with him?  Why would he be like that?  Isn't this a business that requires customer service skills and compassion?  What a dick.

Mom had to drive to Cape because I was just too emotional to make it happen.  She's been around a lot lately and I'm really glad.  She's taken care of things and told me things to take care of and really just here if I needed to talk.

At Kohl's, Sophie picked out something quickly and skipped off to look at the toys.  Of course.  Joey made several thoughtful, mature (and expensive) choices.  Wow...he looks SO grown up!  So strong and handsome.

Claudia came and brought some food and stayed to chat a while.  I miss her.  It was really nice to catch up a bit.  We both promised to stay in touch more often.  I really hope that happens.  Jasper came down from the city to help me with the obituary and the slide show.  He also let me cry.  A lot.  They drove in from Chicago last night and I'm really glad they are here.

I am petrified about seeing your body tomorrow.  I keep remembering how you looked in the hospital the last time I saw you.  It was terrible.  Gruesome, even.  I don't think I can handle it.  Not in the casket.  Not in that place.

In good news, I'm taking that creepy Kylo Ren figure that's been looking down on me while I sleep for the last couple of years to set at the foot of your casket.  I think you would approve.  If not....*eh*...you died early with no plans.  I'm making lots of stupid decisions on your behalf.

You're welcome.