You Wouldn't Have Liked It Anyway

Just got back from a little trip to Branson.  Your mom, my mom, the kids, Dave and his family all went.  It was fun.  It was COLD.  We missed you.  You wouldn't have liked most of it, really.

The Polar Express train ride was a fun experience.  We had to walk a long way in the freezing cold.  You would have hated that.  Watching the kids have fun?  I think you would have loved.

The cabins we stayed in were fun.  You wouldn't have liked climbing the stairs to the beds or the tiny bathroom but you would have loved sitting by the fire and talking.  I missed having you to cuddle with.

We shopped one of the days.  You wouldn't have liked it anyway, but the boys did go to a fish hatchery.  I imagine that you would have liked shooting the bull with Dave during that.

The show at the Light and Sound Theater was great.  Sophie really enjoyed it and paid attention the whole time.  The seats were small and tight and it was obviously a very conservative crowd there.  You would have loved watching Sophie's face as she watched the show, but you really wouldn't have liked much of the other parts of the evening.

Silver Dollar City was pretty different than when we went this summer.  First of all, it was COLD!  BURR!  I think I liked it better in the cold than in the heat though.  I just needed it to be a few degrees warmer.  If you were there, we probably would have rented the little cart like we did this summer but it was MUCH busier.  It was so crowded that just walking down the streets was difficult.  The lights were beautiful and the parade was just magic.  The food was what you would expect.  You would have loved seeing the sights, but it wouldn't have been an easy day for you. 

I just kept telling myself that you wouldn't have liked most of what we did anyway, but it really didn't take away the sting of your absence.

This month is hard.  Harder than I thought it would be.  I thought I was figuring out some coping strategies.  I thought I was figuring out how to get through things as a single mom.  I thought I was getting used to this hollow ache inside me.   I guess I'm not.